I haven't blogged FOREVER because I have been so lazy at it lol. But I just feel like I need to write something and just get things off my mind so this is going to be a vent/pouring-out-my-soul type of a post :).
I have struggled throughout my life with feeling like I have no value to anyone: especially myself. I was able to overcome a lot of those issues when I was younger but I feel like I am struggling again. I started thinking about this today as I was snuggling with little Paxton and I have no idea why the thought popped in my mind. I am struggling with self esteem and self worth issues; just like I was when I was 16. I remember going through therapy but honestly I can't remember the things that we talked about to help me get better and feel better about myself. I googled LDS services and found a link for therapy under self esteem/self worth. When I clicked on the link I found all of these articles on how to improve your self esteem and self worth. I started reading them and realized what my problem is: I don't have as strong of a relationship with my Heavenly Father like I gained when I was recovering from all of my issues. I think that when I was struggling I needed him so much and when I got better I have forgotten how much I need him every day in my life even when I am not struggling.
So.... I started to think about personal goals and things that I need to do to strengthen my relationship with my Heavenly Father:
1. Read the scriptures
2. Go to the Temple
3. Have Family Home Evening
4. Pray more with Josh
5. Go to all 3 hours of church
It is going to be hard and I know that it will but I am tired of feeling like I am. It is so hard to have so much happiness in my life (Joshy and Paxton) and to feel not so great about myself.
Now, onto the venting part of this post and maybe some more goals ;). I am TIRED of drama and TIRED of gossip!! This is something that so many women do INCLUDING myself and I am so tired of it! This past week I was talking with someone about some things and things were said that someone else said about me and it hurt my feelings a lot! I don't know why we all have to gossip about each other! It is so petty and I am such a hypocrite because I do it too. No good comes from it and it sure made me feel like crap. There were a couple girls that I knew growing up who hardly ever gossiped about anyone and they had so many friends because of it. Why do I gossip? Probably because of jealousy I am sure and because talking about someone elses problems makes mine seem smaller (which is totally stupid really because talking about other people doesn't make me feel good at all). So naturally I googled lds.org about gossiping for ways to stop here they are if you want to look for yourself. Man, everything that it said are completely true!! I hate gossip and hate when people talk about me. No I can't control what people say about me but I can control talking about others which leads me to another goal:
STOP GOSSIPING!!
There it is! I need to stop and I am sure that will help me feel better about myself as well.
